thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
