It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
