Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
