the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
