There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
