Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
