Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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