If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
