I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
