I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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