i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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