I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
