My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
