We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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