I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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