I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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