I could make wine with my vomit
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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