so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
