Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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