I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
