I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
