Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Damn victory sex feels great
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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