i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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