OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
