i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
