By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
