Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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