What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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