Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
