He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
