I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
