i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
