my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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