I love black thongs
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
