her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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