I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
