I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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