The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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