After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
