I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
