Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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