if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Randomize
