Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
