i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
