if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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