i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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