Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
