remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
