HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
