Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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